How To Openly Discuss Health Issues With Mates

Have you ever seen this viral video from Norwich Football Club in the UK about men’s mental health? It's an incredibly poignant message about the struggles men face and the importance of reaching out to others to both seek and provide help.

It’s sadly a fact of life that men are less likely to openly discuss their health issues than women. At The Man Shake, we believe that this is a dangerous issue, and we encourage men to speak openly about both their physical and mental health, particularly with people they trust. With that in mind, we have put together this guide to help men encourage each other to be more open. 

If you know a mate who seems down or overwhelmed, yet is keeping quiet about his issues, it’s on you to reach out and encourage him to talk. Now, this is easier said than done, so there are some things we encourage you to do before having a potentially difficult conversation. 

The first thing to do is to mentally prepare yourself for a difficult conversation, and then pick an appropriate time and place to have the chat — we advise picking a time and location where you are both relaxed. You’ll also need to realise that your mate may not want to talk about his issues, but if he does, don’t feel obligated to provide advice, just listen and perhaps suggest a professional he could talk to. 

Research indicates that men don’t appreciate the use of official medical and psychiatric language when discussing their problems as they fear public stigmatisation and rejection if they are labelled as having a mental or physical illness. 

With that in mind, men are now encouraged to use more casual language when discussing mental health, for example saying ‘’You seem a bit down. There are some great programs out there to sharpen your mental resilience” rather than saying, “I think you are depressed, you need to see a psychologist.”

Research has indicated that men feel more comfortable discussing significant issues while shoulder-to-shoulder rather than face-to-face. This makes sense when you consider that quite a few stereotypical “male hobbies” are conducted while sitting shoulder to shoulder like watching sport, playing video games and going on road trips. So maybe next time you want to have a serious conversation with a mate, wait until you're sitting shoulder-to-shoulder. 

One way to get your mate to open up is to share experiences of your own. If a mate who is suffering starts to feel like he’s not the only one experiencing inner turmoil, he may feel less ashamed and less afraid of rejection and thus open up.

This doesn’t just apply to mental health, though. If you have a mate that you feel may be suffering from a health problem, discuss all the recent check-ups you have had recently, or tell them about the ones you have coming up, this may also prompt them to take some action. 

Unfortunately, outdated stereotypes have taught men that they need to be stoic and not reach out when they have a problem. Well, we’re here to say that these expectations placed on blokes are bulls*it and you shouldn’t care what people think about you if you have a genuine problem. If you are the one suffering, take a deep breath, and speak to someone you trust. It’s the first step towards feeling better. Alternatively, if you're trying to get a mate to open up, reassure him that you will provide your full attention and promise to be non-judgemental. 

Just because you’ve asked once and haven’t necessarily got the response you were looking for, it doesn’t mean you should give up. If you are still concerned about a friend’s physical or mental health following an initial discussion, if appropriate, follow up with additional questions at a later date — just make sure you don't push too hard, though.

As an aside, we have a Facebook group where men can openly discuss both their physical and mental issues. The Man Shakers is an open, warm and non-judgmental environment, where members share their highs and lows and encourage each other to be better men. Check it out now!